It was the end of 2010, I just got my invitation accepted into the Figure International (the Arnold) and I was going through a very rough period in my life. Major changes in my life that would forever shape who I am and would ultimately be. We have all been through “struggles” and I am glad my life has experienced heartache, pain and happiness. Ok, so back to the story….I had gotten my acceptance letter to the Figure International and was going through a very tumultuous and toxic time in my life. I remember it was January and 10 weeks out from the show and I couldn’t pull myself out of bed. I was canceling clients, missing meals, not getting workouts in and was suffering from anxiety and depression.
My mom has always lived no more than 10 min from me and we sort of have this amazing bond that when I am hurting she feels it. Well, it was a Tuesday afternoon, usually I am working (at that time I owned a gym) but I was home in bed where I had been the whole day. She has a key to my house and at that time at that moment wishing she didn’t. Well, she walked into my room, I was in bed sleeping, crying and all the above….and she came over to me and said “Felicia, what are you doing to yourself”. I was two things at that moment, angry and ashamed, angry that she come into my home without asking and ashamed because I was depressed and in bed at 2 in the afternoon and I didn’t want her to see me like that. I was a pillar of strength to the outside world, not letting others into my imperfect world, except my mom whom I couldn’t hide anything from.
She pulled me out of bed and made me eat and get on my treadmill. While I was on the treadmill she reiterated over and over how special I was and that this pain I was feeling would pass and that I was given this life because I am strong enough to live it. She also dragged me to church that night. It’s weird that when you need HIM the most he will and does speak to you. He spoke to me that night…which was mainly about forgiveness. It hit me like a ton of bricks.
You see a life without pain is a wolf in sheep’s clothes, because if you listen to the lessons of any bad time in your life you will find the gold….for me it was personal growth and taking control of my life and emotions and learning to forgive. It was also not allowing outside forces control you and your destiny…only YOU can control your happiness!
I am so thankful for my mom because if I didn’t have the support and love from her it would have been more difficult to get to that point. Bringing me to my next point, and that is having those in your life you trust, love and who want you to succeed in this beautiful struggle of life. Having true support and genuine people in your life is more difficult as you get older because I truly believe that as you come into the person you are meant to be there will be some that drop off who are not on the same path you are. That is ok. Not everyone is meant to go where you are going.
I can look back now and find beauty in my ugliest days.
Thank you so much for reading,